sibling rivalry

I read a really good article in Canadian Living, August 2007 issue on sibling rivalry. Essentially it confirmed my own personal beliefs on the issue-that personality is determined less by birth order than it is by parenting styles and socialization aspects of the household. In other words, how you treat each of your children, socialize them, family activities and your socio-economic situation, etc all have more impact on personality than simply birth order. The article then went on to cite a number of recent studies that point out that parents often have a tendency to invest more time, resources and attention to the children that they feel have the most potential. It is kind of stunning in some aspects to think of it in those terms, but really, looking at some families I can think of, it is so true. The "brightest" or most "athletic" children get the time and attention. I think this certainly validates something my Mom did and what I do as a result-look at each child's talents and merits individually, treating kids equal, yet somehow validating them for who they are at the same time(it is more complex than it sounds, and it is somthing in constant motion). I am constantly amazed by each of my kids, for such different reasons-their intelligence and abilties are different(although I have to say the girls are both very bright as far as school work goes, very similar in that aspect). I definitely do not favor one kid at all, and I have constantly made an effort to spend daily individual time with each child, to me it is crucial in helping them develop confidence and a strong sense of self. Sometimes birth order can be used as a crutch, saying "this is why I am this way, because I was treated differently". I don't feel that excuse has any merit, as is proven by new research. Basically, people may have been treated differently, but it was based on what their parents thought they were capable of, not when they were born. It certainly is a lot of food for thought. I can see rivalry betweeen the kids, which is normal, but I work at trying to help the kids solve these issues in a constructive, non-hurtful way. As the kids get older, outside influences have more and more impact on how they relate, and let's face it, it is a very competitive world. Kids competing is inevitable, but how they handle the results is based on parents teaching and examples set.